Katch' koly

The first time I saw you I had no idea what to make of you but there was something familiar in you, like a part of myself I'd forgotten about long ago.


That you chose this moment to come up from the depths and work with me is both an honor and a mystery. I can guess that my own gates have moved me to a place where I can begin to understand you... at the same time you are overwhelming.

You've come to teach me something about creating. And yesterday I felt the first turbulence of what you are bringing... it caused me to see something.

I saw myself and so many other creators standing in bright light making the stuff we make... and all of it was being born out of these mirrors that stood in front of each of us. Mirrors that stood between us and our view of the world. I could see that in the bright light we tend to pull our creations from human memory and we take these things we've known before and we tweak them and twist them with varying degrees of originality and mercilessness and declare them our "new" things. It's just, they aren't really that new.

And then you arrive and I look into that obsidian eye and I see dark, infinite depths. I hear you calling me to sink down with you in the crushing dark. You know all about the massive ball of fear that stirs. But I'm awake enough to know the dark you are inviting has nothing to do with evil... nothing to do with a lightless existence... it's a dark that is FULL of EMPTY. It's so hard to describe this. But it's a place where I think you'll show me how to start creating without the need for light, without using a mirror, and memory and perhaps even without thought. A place where things emerge at my hands that are so strange, things never seen before, like that first infinitely small moment when God asked "Who am I?" and all of Creation burst forth in answer.

I know I'm afraid to go too deep there. But I'm going to trust in your intent and go with you, and we'll strip off the fears one by one.

Into the crushing depths... to create without light... straight from the Source.

I realize right now that I'm not so afraid of what I'll create... I'm afraid I won't recognize myself after I learn this. And isn't that always the fear when we face change. It always is.

- Alan